Category Archives: Thought Leader

Is Friendship the Highest Form of Relationship?

Because of common phrases like “more than friends”, “in the friend box”, “it’s just business”, friendship can occur as a form of human relationship equal to any other, as though we have a menu to choose from for any particular person in our life. Implied is the idea that some forms of relationship, like romantic […]

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Prevention is the Disease, Not the Cure

There's a tough but fascinating book just out about motivation by Columbia social psychologist E. Tory Higgins. He lays out how we approach desired goals as "prevention" goals or "promotion" goals. A prevention orientation is "vigilant": we are on alert for the bad stuff NOT to happen. The promotion goal orientation is "eager": we seek […]

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Ignore Yourself

For years now, there’s a rant that’s been building up inside me – something I’m so fed up with that I can’t even stand myself. It goes like this: I get together with my best friends for a day or two together – a wedding, a christening, New Year’s. I love these people, but they […]

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Expertise is Nice, Perspectertise is Essential

I’ve hired lawyers, tax lawyers, trust tax lawyers, trust tax litigation lawyers, Delaware state trust tax litigation lawyers… all for their expertise. But none of them could give me something I needed in the course of an unpleasant family litigation that dragged on for seven years. Perspective. Expertise is zooming in. Perspective is zooming out. […]

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Do The “Puja” of Making Something Happen

Consider for a moment that your most effective action may not be based on analysis of cause and effect. Entertain the thought that your most effective action is to “participate in your intent” – and let analysis serve that action, rather than the other way around. Can you feel the difference? The more powerful your […]

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Evolutionary Leadership™ and the Dangerous Mistake of Human Nature

A friend of mine asked me yesterday “what is Evolutionary Leadership™?” To answer his question properly, we must first topple some sacred cows. What is human nature? The Wall Street Journal ran an article recently in their Review section flogging that tired old metaphor, our similarity to chimps. The article seemed to imply that because […]

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If You Hate Planning – Learn to Nurture Your Motivation

I've discovered something so basic about planning that I can't believe I didn't figure this out sooner. It's so valuable, I'm going to risk looking like a fool to tell you something you might already know. For me, planning has been – check all that apply to you: a fun-killer, a grumbly feeling of “do […]

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5 Ways to Help Your Friend Who Is “Ahhh-ee Tuck!”

Years ago my then 16-month son and I were out for a walk in the woods of Iowa, visiting his grandmother. He toddled into some brambles, where the thorns caught his clothes and dug into his arm. After a brief struggle, he became very still. We looked at each other. I was curious what he […]

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How many times have you heard "one part of me wanted to do this, but then this other part said...". We talk about our "parts" all the time, but how often do you actually look at them closely? There's a reason for that. In my coaching, some clients suffer the conflict between their parts. Let […]

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